Relationships
In the course of the pandemic, I’ve received many good quotes on ‘relationships’. I’ve written a few myself. Gurbani, too, sheds light on these, but no more than on the importance of maintaining our Relationship with the Source, the Supreme Master, above all other associations.
Guru Tegh Bahadur, Hind Di Chadar, the Ninth Nanak, highlights the frailty of human relationships, which without Divine Blessings will remain frail and fragile.
In this short article I wish to share with my regular contacts (and those who can spare the time), my humble understanding of an often recited Hukamnama (also called a Mahavak, a hymn selected randomly, on a daily basis, from Sri Guru Granth Sahib (SGGS), from Darbar Sahib, Amritsar. The Hukamnama is, offered and accepted as, the divine instruction of that particular day. The main objective behind the exercise is to gradually assimilate and adopt the Teachings in our daily lives.
ਸੋਰਠਿ ਮਹਲਾ ੯ ॥
Sorath Mahalla 9
ਇਹ ਜਗਿ ਮੀਤੁ ਨ ਦੇਖਿਓ ਕੋਈ ॥
Eh jag meet na dekheo ko-ee
In the whole wide world, I can’t see a true friend.
ਸਗਲ ਜਗਤੁ ਅਪਨੈ ਸੁਖਿ ਲਾਗਿਓ ਦੁਖ ਮੈ ਸੰਗਿ ਨ ਹੋਈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
Sagal jagat apnai sukh laageo dukh maen sang na ho-ee.
The entire world is preoccupied with their own desires and pleasures, no one stands with you, in your hour of need. Pause.
ਦਾਰਾ ਮੀਤ ਪੂਤ ਸਨਬੰਧੀ ਸਗਰੇ ਧਨ ਸਿਉ ਲਾਗੇ ॥
Daraa meet poot sanbandhi sagray dhan seo laagay.
Wives, friends, sons, kith and kin are all after (your) wealth.
ਜਬ ਹੀ ਨਿਰਧਨ ਦੇਖਿਓ ਨਰ ਕਉ ਸੰਗੁ ਛਾਡਿ ਸਭ ਭਾਗੇ ॥੧॥
Jab hee nirdhan dekheo nar kao sang chhaad sabh bhaagay.
As soon as, they see, you have nothing left to give, they, quickly, distance themselves.
ਕਹਂਉ ਕਹਾ ਯਿਆ ਮਨ ਬਉਰੇ ਕਉ ਇਨ ਸਿਉ ਨੇਹੁ ਲਗਾਇਓ ॥
Kahun kahaa yee-aa mann bauray kao in seo nehu lagaaeyo.
How do I educate this naive mind of mine, about the fragility of human relationships and worldly attachments?
ਦੀਨਾ ਨਾਥ ਸਕਲ ਭੈ ਭੰਜਨ ਜਸੁ ਤਾ ਕੋ ਬਿਸਰਾਇਓ ॥੨॥
Deena naath sakal bhae bhanjan jas taa ko bisraa-eo.
It has forsaken the Lord, the Champion of the humble and the needy, the dispeller of fear.
ਸੁਆਨ ਪੂਛ ਜਿਉ ਭਇਓ ਨ ਸੂਧਉ ਬਹੁਤੁ ਜਤਨੁ ਮੈ ਕੀਨਉ ॥
Suaan poochh jeau bhai-eo na sudhao bahut jatan maen keeno.
Just like the dog’s tail, it never straightens despite numerous, persistent efforts.
ਨਾਨਕ ਲਾਜ ਬਿਰਦ ਕੀ ਰਾਖਹੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਤੁਹਾਰਉ ਲੀਨਉ ॥ {ਅੰਗ 633}
Nanak laaj birad kee raakho naam tuhaaro leeno.
O Nanak, beg the Lord to call upon His innate Benevolence, to bless you with the gift of His Naam. (SGGS 633)
What Guru ji is emphasising is that any relationship formed with self-interest can’t be durable. It lasts only as long as that condition or motive is fulfilled. Recently, I shared a small piece on the social media (below) on worldly associations:
‘A relationship based on Swarth (matlab, benefit, motive) is a worldly association (graded, affectionate, good, bad or ugly).
A ne-swarath one (i.e. without strings attached) is a genuine relationship.
But, a fusion of two souls, is the ultimate Sanjog, a Divine Relationship (requires no grading).’
It is a well accepted fact that for our peace of mind, we need at least one person with whom we can share sensitive matters of concern and anxiety. We all need someone we can offload our worries on, without any risk of fear or reprisal, now or in the future. Our confidant may come in the form of a true friend, a colleague or a relative, one we can trust to keep our secret. There can be no better confidant or a friend other one’s life partner. For the spiritually enlightened, there is no better friend than the Lord Himself. “You, O Lord, are my support, my refuge; my strength, intellect and wealth are You. You, alone, are my family, my kith and kin.” (Guru Arjan Dev 820)
Institution of marriage
The institution of marriage has been acclaimed, in Sikhi and major world faiths, as the supreme academy amongst all other institutions. Bhai Gurdas Ji, went as far as to say that the Dharma (the law of human nature and social order) of marriage stands high and above any other form of human behaviour or social order.
ਸਕਲ ਧਰਮ ਮਹਿ ਗ੍ਰਿਸਤ ਪ੍ਰਧਾਨ ਹੈ ।
Sakal dharam meh grehsat pardhan hai.
This divine association by its very nature, presents you the confidant you need, particularly in the critical and late stages of your life. However, to draw maximum benefit from it, there must be a synchronisation of thought, mind and soul.
In Vaar Suhi (SGGS 788) Guru Amar Das, the Third Nanak, states:
ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਏਹਿ ਨ ਆਖੀਅਨਿ ਬਹਨਿ ਇਕਠੇ ਹੋਇ ॥ ਏਕ ਜੋਤਿ ਦੁਇ ਮੂਰਤੀ ਧਨ ਪਿਰੁ ਕਹੀਐ ਸੋਇ ॥
Dhan pir eih na aakhyan behen ekatthe hoye; Eik jyot doye moorti, dhan pir kahiaye soye.
They are not truly husband and wife, who simply spend their lives together. The truly wedded are those, who despite their two bodies, have one soul (i.e, the fusion of two spirits).
However, we often see, particularly in the western world, the husband and wife support different political thoughts, parties, and sometimes even subscribe to different religions. How can there be a fusion of souls under these conditions? Yes, they may have an understanding, or they may come to one, however, in my humble opinion, there can’t be a fusion of minds or souls. With the ever brewing storms, we see, in the political and religious worlds, loyalties change, faiths falter, long-standing relationships break up.
A strong relationship needs more than what the materialistic world has to offer us. It needs divine blessing to bring about a congruence of body, mind and soul in each of the party to the relationship, be it between friends, siblings, father and son, wife and husband or any other meaningful association.
The Pandemic Factor
ਸੰਗ ਸਖਾ ਸਭਿ ਤਜਿ ਗਏ ਕੋਊ ਨ ਨਿਬਹਿਓ ਸਾਥਿ ॥ ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹ ਬਿਪਤਿ ਮੈ ਟੇਕ ਏਕ ਰਘੁਨਾਥ ॥(Salok 55 1429).
Sang sakha sabh tajj gaeo Kau-oo na nibheo saath. Kahu Nanak eh bipat mein tayk eik raghunath.
My nearest and dearest have all left me, no relationship has endured.
I’ve often wondered about this Salok as to what drove Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji to make such an emphatic statement, that one day all your loved ones will abandon you to the mercy of forces beyond your control. Surely, there must be some loving person, son, daughter, elder, friend who still loves and cares for you. The coronavirus has unravelled this mystery for me. Individuals with large loving families and friends have departed alone because of the government‘s quarantine and other pronouncements, plus the ferocity of the demon COVID-19. In some cases, families have refused to claim the bodies of their kith and kin to perform the last rites; organisations such as Shaheed Bhagat Singh Seva Dal (and other charities) undertook to do the needful. Thus, one is left to the mercy of God, who manifests in the form of angels to do God’s Work.
ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਇਹ ਬਿਪਤਿ ਮੈ ਟੇਕ ਏਕ ਰਘੁਨਾਥ
Kahu Nanak Eh bipat mein Tek ek Raghunat
Says Nanak, in this predicament, the Lord alone is my support and sanctuary. (55)
On this note, another Salok of Guru Tegh Bahadur Ji comes to mind:
ਸੁਖ ਮੈ ਬਹੁ ਸੰਗੀ ਭਏ ਦੁਖ ਮੈ ਸੰਗਿ ਨ ਕੋਇ ॥ ਕਹੁ ਨਾਨਕ ਹਰਿ ਭਜੁ ਮਨਾ ਅੰਤਿ ਸਹਾਈ ਹੋਇ ॥੩੨॥ (SGGS 1428)
Sukh mein bauh sangi bhaey dukh mein sang na koye. Kahu Nanak har bhajj mannaa annt Sahara-ee hoye.
Many will gladly share in your good fortune, but no one sticks around in adversity. Says Nanak, remember the One who will help and accompany you to the end. (32)
However, one saving grace of this, otherwise, testing period is the firm belief amongst many that their Guru is with them in spirit, and those fortunate enough to enjoy the company of their loyal partners, gelled together in both thought and soul.
It’s only apt to end this short treatise with the words of the Ninth Nanak:
ਨਾਨਕ ਲਾਜ ਬਿਰਦ ਕੀ ਰਾਖਹੁ ਨਾਮੁ ਤੁਹਾਰਉ ਲੀਨਉ ॥ (633)
Nanak laaj birad kee raakho naam tuhaaro leeno.
O Nanak, beg the Lord to call upon His innate Benevolence, to bless you with the gift of His Naam.